As I was taking my dog, Smitty, for a walk this morning, I felt that there was ‘something’ about today. When I looked at my phone and saw the date, I kept thinking “what is it about today … what am I missing.” I wasn’t sure if it was a birthday of someone I know, but I knew there was ‘something’ about today. The answer hit me quietly. Today would have been my 10 year wedding anniversary and I’m so glad that it is not.
That last statement may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. I wish nothing but the best for my ex-husband, but that is a door that I am glad is closed and nailed shut. Once I realized what the ‘something’ about today was, I started reflecting on the people I’ve met, the lessons I’ve learned, the relationships I’ve strengthened, and the adventures I’ve been on over the past 2.5 years. Without a doubt in my mind, I know I’m exactly where I need to be.
One of the changes I’ve made since my marriage ended has been to recommit myself to my faith. I’ve found a great church and I’ve become part of a life group comprised of some of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. Our group is currently reading Sometimes He Whispers, Sometimes He Roars by Marilynn Chadwick. The book focuses on being thoughtful in prayer, but also how to listen for the voice of God.
I can tell you that God roared on the day my marriage ended. Being in that moment was horrible and I would never wish it on my worst enemy, but now that I’m out of it, I can see why it happened. My marriage was not healthy, especially towards the end. A few months before we separated, I remember being in my car on my way to workout and I had what I call a gut-check prayer. To me, a gut-check prayer is one of those moments where you are your most honest, you hold nothing back and just let whatever is troubling your heart out. I knew I was in a bad situation and I felt lost, so I gave my marriage and my life to God’s will. Well, he gave me my answer and then he gave me some of the greatest gifts and lessons I’ve ever learned. Sometimes you have to be broken down to be built back up.
So today I will say a prayer for the lost girl I was and say another prayer of praise for who I am today. Although God roared on the day my marriage ended, I heard him whisper to me today. I’m convinced he said “you got this, girl” because that’s how we roll.