Today kicks off what I like to call my “Thoughtful Tuesday” posts. Like my life, I want to make my blog posts more intentional, and that is where the idea of Thoughtful Tuesday was born. As my year of separation (thanks, North Carolina) is coming to an end, I wanted to make my first thoughtful post a reflection on the past year and recognize how far I’ve come.
After my ex and I had “the talk” last May, I needed to escape, especially after we let friends and family know we were separating. So where would any grown woman go in her time of need , you ask? I ran straight to mom and dad. Luckily for me, my heartbreak came at the same time my parents were going to be at the beach.
During that first day with my parents, I tried to hold myself together as much as possible as I didn’t want to upset them. As always, they saw through my crap. That day, my mom gave me a piece of advice that has now redefined how I look at my situation. She asked me if I remembered the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. Then she asked me how I liked my eggs.
It took me a moment, and maybe a small eye roll, to realize what she was talking about. In the movie, the Julia Roberts character loses herself in her relationships to the point that she doesn’t even know her egg preference. At the end of the movie, she not only realizes that she likes Eggs Benedict the most, but she fully finds herself in the process.
I’m not saying that I completely lost myself in my marriage, but when two people get married, they form one bond. You function as a united front when making decisions, etc. When separation/divorce happens, you have to reprogram yourself to think as just you again. I haven’t been just me in almost 10 years, so it has definitely been an eye-opening experience.
The past year has been a time of self-reflection. I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy, but I look at it as a rare do-over opportunity that not many people get. In relationships, and life in general, we can get sidetracked and forget about ourselves. It’s important to remember that you are an individual with needs outside of your marriage, of your work, of your children and whatever else may be a part of your life.
I’ve already started the process of getting back to me and one of the first things I rediscovered was my love of dance. This summer, I found a great place called Kadi Fit that focuses on physical fitness and positive thinking. Just one class made me remember the feeling of pure joy I had when I went to my first dance class when I was nine years old. I’ve even discovered some new things, such as I love to cook, I love Pilates-inspired workouts (thanks, Flex+Fit), I love going to see live music, I can do things on my own, and I have learned that I can ask for help when I need it.
Oh, and my favorite style of eggs is Eggs Benedict.