Remembrance and New Beginnings

Last week, on many levels, marked a strange week for me. Last week marked a year since my ex and I decided to separate/divorce.  I was already preparing for the wave of emotions that would wash over me, but I was also looking forward to the wedding of a friend/sorority sister. It was what I didn’t prepare for that affected me the most.

On Mother’s Day, my mother let me know that her mother, my Mam-maw, had passed away. I knew that the call would eventually come, but it still caught me off guard. She had taken a turn for the worst, but I don’t think I truly processed that some day she wouldn’t be here.

In the span of a week, I attended a funeral for one of the most influential people in my life, grieved over the finality of my separation/divorce and celebrated a milestone for a wonderful friend. To say that I was drained at the end of the week would be an understatement.

As I’ve said on this blog before, I am a glass half-full type of person. With that in mind, I want to use this Thoughtful Tuesday post as a way to remember my Mam-maw and to recognize the new beginnings that are happening for me and others in my life.

One of the most meaningful things my Mam-maw ever said to me occurred when I was 13 and she and I were in NYC together. It was my first time in a large city and to say that I was terrified when I first stepped out on the street and witnessed a cab jump and drive on the curb would be accurate.  I remember freezing on the street. My Mam-maw took me aside and calmly looked me in the eyes. She said, “you have two options right now. The first is that we can go back to the hotel, order room service and look out our window for the entire trip. The second option is that you can take a deep breath and we can have an amazing time exploring the city. The choice is yours.”

After getting a grip and taking a deep breath I decided on option two. We had an incredible time in NYC, but more importantly, she gave me a piece of advice that has stayed with me for almost 20 years. Anytime there is something that scares me, I think back to that time with her on the streets of NYC. I know that I have two options in life. The first is that I can stay in a safe place and let things pass me by without ever taking a risk. The second is I can take a deep breath and go for “it”.

Although I have spent the past few days remembering my Mam-maw, I have also recognized and celebrated new beginnings. I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend and I wish the newlyweds all the luck and love possible.

Although I wish she was still here in person, the lessons taught by my Mam-maw will live on. As my year and a day is almost over, I know that my real “new beginning” is about to happen. It is scary and exciting at the same time, and I hope I always pick option number 2. It may not always be a pretty outcome, but I will be able to say I never let life pass me by without trying.

I hope you pick option number 2 in your life, as well.

Weekend Fun …

This past weekend was a great mix of down time, fun with friends and celebration of significant milestones.  On Friday I caught the new Tom Cruise movie, Oblivion and I’m happy to say it was much better than I had originally expected. Saturday marked a day of milestones for friends and family, as well as a chance for me to see a great live band. Sunday was a day of relaxation and good food.  I went to brunch with friends at Reid’s Fine Foods to mark their first Sunday brunch (so tasty). I was also able to catch up on one of my favorite shows, Scandal, start reading a new book and watched Django Unchained with my dog, Smitty.

Here are some highlights from my weekend according to my iPhone.

Love waking up to this face!

I made an amazing egg white veggie omelet with fresh brewed coffee on Saturday. Tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and a sprinkle of cheddar made this bad boy epic.

The amazing Dion had a launch party for her website, Life During the Commercial Break,  at Ten Park Lanes.  The party was full of hair teasing demonstrations (the above photo), the proper way to apply false lashes and moonshine drinks.

Saturday marked the 39th wedding anniversary of my parents. Their love inspires and amazes me every day.

New book I started on a rainy Charlotte weekend.

I enjoyed Django Unchained, but Smitty fell asleep.  Guess he’s not a Tarantino fan?

On Saturday, I went to see Sons of Bill at the Visulite. They are a great band from the amazing state of Virginia, but I am biased. This is one of my favorite songs from the band and I wanted to share since we could all use some good music on a Monday.

Dessert before dinner …

Tomorrow is not promised and the past cannot be changed therefore live each day to the fullest and know that every new day is a blessing.

With everything that happened last week in Boston and in Texas, I was trying to think of what to say for this week’s Thoughtful Tuesday post. I didn’t want to seem cheesy or overly saccharine about the events that unfolded. It wasn’t until this past weekend and today that I knew what I wanted to say.  I found the above quote online by accident and it fit in with my planned post perfectly.

As the events of last week unfolded, we once again saw that evil exists in the world, but so does true goodness. We witnessed many give blood, shelter, support and aide to strangers in need. Events like this remind me that nothing in life is guaranteed; we’re not guaranteed the white picket fence, the dream job, or that we will live until we are 100.

During a dinner with friends this weekend, a friend mentioned that she would never stand near a finish line of a race after the Boston Marathon attack. That conversation made me think that if we let every awful act affect how we live then we would never truly live. We would never fly, take a train, work in a tall building, etc. The list goes on and on and let’s not start on possible natural disasters, etc.

I graduated from Virginia Tech in 2003 and I am still in shock that a mass shooting occurred there years later. After the shootings, I remember hearing people say, “I’ll never send my kid there” and other statements of that nature. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn’t gone to Virginia Tech. The friends I met and the experiences I had shaped my life in so many ways.  It’s not the school, the finish line, or the airplane that make people do certain things.

We tend to try to find meaning and to try and place blame when we don’t understand why something happened.  We should live our lives to the best of our ability and not be worried about things we have no control over. I know that is probably easier said than done, but it’s true. If we spent our lives afraid of the unknown, we would never leave our homes.

It’s sad that moments of terror make us remember what’s important to us or that we should be kind to our fellow man. I’m going to challenge myself to say something kind to a stranger, to let those I love know it, and if I want to, I’m going to have dessert before dinner. Like I said nothing is guaranteed in life and I hope you live to the fullest, bravest and best of your ability.

Summer Lovin …

Although today is a bit chilly in Charlotte, this time of year has me thinking of warmer days to come. I’m so excited for sitting out with friends on a patio somewhere, listening to great music at outdoor concerts, lounging at the beach with family and walking the pup on sunny mornings.  Other than the weather, here are a few things that have me excited for summer.

New beach bag from Pottery Barn Kids (yep, I bought it).  The shark is so cute in person and the bag is incredibly spacious with a large pocket for your phone, keys, etc.

Great style idea for summer festivals and concerts. Love an easy, breezy dress with boots and shades.

Also from Pottery Barn Kids (yep, I’m a big kid). I picked up these little tumblers and I laugh every time I use them. I mean, who doesn’t love mermaids and seahorses?!

I’m excited to be done with coats and sweaters. I’m looking forward to wearing a colorful dress with the tan I hope to get this summer.

 

 

Spring Cleaning …

Happy April! For this post, I decided to combine my “Thoughtful Tuesday” post with my April Challenge.  

For the month of April, my challenge is to do some Spring Cleaning in more ways than one. We can become bogged down by all the “stuff” in our lives, and I don’t want my life to feel cluttered in any way.  I mean, what if I want to randomly pick up and move to the Cayman Islands? I’m not saying that’s going to happen, but what a wonderful thought. So it is time to get rid of the crap!!

My spring cleaning will include cleaning out my closet, drawers,  files,  computer, cabinets, storage unit, pantry, Facebook, Twitter, contacts in my phone, photos, etc.  I want to be more intentional about things, so I definitely need to incorporate some sort of organization into this process.

I’m looking forward to being the most de-cluttered me possible.  My goal is to be surrounded by things, people, etc. that make me happy and that add joy to my life. If something doesn’t bring anything to the proverbial table, then I’m gonna have to say See Ya!

I would love to hear if anyone has any Spring Cleaning challenges planned.

How I like my eggs …

Today kicks off what I like to call my “Thoughtful Tuesday” posts.  Like my life, I want to make my blog posts more intentional, and that is where the idea of Thoughtful Tuesday was born.  As my year of separation (thanks, North Carolina) is coming to an end,  I wanted to make my first thoughtful post a reflection on the past year and recognize how far I’ve come.

After my ex and I had “the talk” last May, I needed to escape, especially after we let friends and family know we were separating.  So where would any grown woman go in her time of need , you ask?   I ran straight to mom and dad.  Luckily for me, my heartbreak came at the same time my parents were going to be at the beach.

During that first day with my parents, I tried to hold myself together as much as possible as I didn’t want to upset them.  As always, they saw through my crap.  That day, my mom gave me a piece of advice that has now redefined how I look at my situation. She asked me if I remembered the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. Then she asked me how I liked my eggs.

It took me a moment, and maybe a small eye roll, to realize what she was talking about.  In the movie, the Julia Roberts character loses herself in her relationships to the point that she doesn’t even know her egg preference.   At the end of the movie, she not only realizes that she likes Eggs Benedict the most, but she fully finds herself in the process.

I’m not saying that I completely lost myself in my marriage, but when two people get married, they form one bond.  You function as a united front when making decisions, etc. When separation/divorce happens, you have to reprogram yourself to think as just you again. I haven’t been just me in almost 10 years, so it has definitely been an eye-opening experience.

The past year has been a time of self-reflection.  I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy, but I look at it as a rare do-over opportunity that not many people get. In relationships, and life in general, we can get sidetracked and forget about ourselves.  It’s important to remember that you are an individual with needs outside of your marriage, of your work, of your children and whatever else may be a part of your life.

I’ve already started the process of getting back to me and one of the first things I rediscovered was my love of dance.  This summer, I found a great place called Kadi Fit that focuses on physical fitness and positive thinking.  Just one class made me remember the feeling of pure joy I had when I went to my first dance class when I was nine years old.  I’ve even discovered some new things, such as I love to cook, I love Pilates-inspired workouts (thanks, Flex+Fit), I love going to see live music, I can do things on my own, and I have learned that I can ask for help when I need it.

Oh, and my favorite style of eggs is Eggs Benedict.

A game plan …

A few months back, I moved into a one bedroom condo and I absolutely love it.  Going from a four bedroom house to a one bedroom condo was a slightly intimidating, but mostly exciting experience.

This marked the first time that I have lived on my own and the first time that I could decorate a place without feedback from anyone. It would be exclusively my style.  But what did that mean?  I spent the better part of a decade living with my now ex and combining our two styles. What would it mean to decorate in my own style?

I knew I needed to find my decorating style before I purchased random furniture or knick-knacks impulsively.  A plan of attack was needed.

The first step on my strategic decorating style quest was to go to Pinterest and look at my Home Decor Board.  Going through my images, I realized that I like very clean, modern basics when it comes to furniture, but I like colored accents, art and some quirk to punch it up a bit.

The second step on my quest was to find furniture pieces that made me happy, but didn’t break the bank.  It’s still a process, but I have had to learn to depend on myself and my solo income. Thank goodness for IKEA.  That is pretty much where I bought all of my furniture items, including my bed and mattress (I didn’t bring any furniture except for a few items from my house).

The third step was to incorporate color and things that I loved into my space. The living room/kitchen is gray, white and black with pops of green, including my beloved emerald green couch (I call him Karl). My bedroom is gray, black and white with pops of purple and pink. I’ve incorporate color, but also pieces that I love, photos of friends and family, antlers from my dad, books and special momentoes.

The process is still ongoing, but here are some photos of my place. I’ll have better ones up in the coming weeks.  I’m still on the hunt for a vintage bar cart and I need to add more photos and art to my walls.  I’m excited to explore some of the art galleries around Charlotte as I would like to incorporate one-of-a-kind pieces into my scheme. It’s been so great to find my decorating style in the past few months and I look forward to its continuing evolution.